If you read my words love, know, in your heart, that they were not meant to kill you

They were meant to wound you, so you can heal

You told me once that you wanted to be a better man

To touch the Hand of God

And, love, no one can cut you.....but me, to the depth that you need

You told me things about myself that cut me wide open

Things I needed to hear, that no one else ever dared to say

I saw myself, for once, for who I really was, through your eyes

The bad, beautiful, ugly, broken, tragic, tender, loving, messy, insecure girl who needed a Father Figure/Lover


A girl who cried in your arms, because it was the first time I was ever shown true tenderness

In that moment, I would have died for you. I was your moth, and you love, were the heat


I felt the universe course through my heart, right then, and you were the best thing in it


You made me a room of my own....A room where I could be free for a little while...

No one ever did that....for me


You let me tell you secrets I had never told

You hurt me

You healed me

You gave me the courage to be a woman, not just a child


But she is still there...the child


Love, take my words and let them comfort you in you hour of need


For I bear you no malice...

I only bear an unquenchable love for you....


And love does no harm



Rue @ 2010

Father of mine, wait, shouldn't I just call you Dad?

I did not want to be your son

I was supposed to be your daughter

But, really, I was the bastard child of a nameless man....Which you never let me forget Dad

I did not want to hunt

When you made me shoot that gun


When you made me shoot a rabbit or a deer, my soul was never the same

I did not want to see their innards, which held their secret blood


White washed bones and sawed off knees, is how I stood before you that day. My pale hands covered in blood, my shirt splattered with it


You made me aware that it is a man's world Dad, and that it always would be


Then I learned the art of being numb

When I came home from school one day and you, smiling, butchered my rabbit as I stood in the street


You had waited so I could see


Her screams sonded like that of a thousand babies in my ears

I fell to my knees with my head to the ground, looking sideways, I could see her blood flow down the grass like a small river


And I cried that I could not protect her from the madman you were



I learned, Dad, not to be like you


Rue @ 2010

I want to lay in a field shorn of all its burdens


In my old, pale blue jeans, with my torn black shirt

I want to lay with my arms stretched to the earth

As I lay on the dust of all dead men

My darkened eyes taking in the greatness of a vast, immense sky


A sky that has seen every thing that all dead men have done

Loved, fought, killed, raped, cared, ached

My hands look like mock wings stretched out before it, with my wrists bent and my palms kiss the sky



Rue @2010

{ a photo i took in an old cemetery 40 miles away}


He fulfills his needs at the expense of me

Trying to train his tired, old body. Lying to his mind that everything is alright

He feeds his next fascination, feeds his ego. His body on the ground

He can't see that the reason he abandons everyone, is because he was abandoned. And, he never understood why. Pushes down that memory, saying, he does not know why, he is, like he is....He cries

So he does it over and over again. Abandoning lovers, abandoning friends.

He wants them to pay for his own abandonment. Wants them to feel the pain he felt as a child


They are all passing phases in a long line of chains...Linked by: lust, love, greed, fame, the need for things, traveling, self- loathing. He turns

He recreates the drama that shaped his life. Forever holding the final blow that forces those who love him to implode. To self- destruct, ..Because they cannot understand, love given, then withdrawn.

He smiles, his eyes warm, crinkly

Another victim, another sin

When will it end?

Rue @2010

Let's make it through the horrors of this day love, before we start thinking of tomorrow's pain

And for this moment let's pretend that death does not exist, that age does not destroy

If they turn out our lights and gas, let's eat dinner by candlelight

The hard times won't last....

But if they do, let me know the comfort of you

Through soft Summer rains and Winter suns

When I am cold...Warm me in the fortress of your arms

When sorrow takes hold of you I will kiss away your pain. I will envelope you in my arms, my legs, my mouth and tongue

My breasts will be beacons of light to to the darkness of your night

I will console you, with my touch, my heart, my love

Rue @ 2010

"It is choice not chance that determines our destiny."